Greetings and Prayer Request

[enflores3000]

Hello, My name is Enrique Flores. I'm 28 years old and am trying to remain a gay Christian but I'm seriously being put through a very hard and trying test and I can't figure out what to do or what I'm doing wrong. I am going to start by saying that I have Asperger's Syndrome so if I'm not explaining myself well I apologize in advance.

So here it goes:
My significant other of almost eight years left me for a guy we brought into the relationship. This happened just over four months ago. I have believed that God has told me that we are meant to be together when I prayed and asked him for a sign which he gave me on Memorial Day. I was raised by my grandparents and I was very close with my grandmother as I am with my significant other. Both of us are six years apart, just like them and I am the youngest just like my grandmother was. Since then I have strongly believed that God will bring him back and I have prayed and prayed and prayed and since then I have been put into an identity crisis by my own family, my mother, her husband and my sister to be matter-of-fact. You see I been out since I was 13 and since he left they have come down hard on me for being a homosexual, my mother's husband believes that if I'm truly saved I will no longer be gay but straight, my mother believes that I was born gay but I must live a celibate and single life (she may as well just say homosexuality is wrong) and my sister says that God will not bring him back because He does not condone homosexual relationship. I must state that me and my significant other did not have a very great relationship but I believe he still loves me for I still love him with all my heart and soul and I want a future with him, no one else. I have tried to discuss this with the local church that accepts gay people but the head of the church told me that I'm obsessed with him and need to talk to my therapist about my obsession while my therapist disagrees and the staff of my psychiatric place do not think that and feel he is a good motivator for me. My therapist keeps suggestion that I go to that church (yeah, getting the run around there.) I can't keep living my life wonder what is true and what is not when it comes to the Bible and homosexuality because though I have strongly disagree with it I have truly been shaken by my family's betrayal and when I posted about this on Facebook my sister decided to blame my significant other for what she has said justifying herself with the Bible and saying that I'm taking out what he did on them when I was taking out what they said on them. Then after this I text her and told her off and she has since barred me from having anything to do with my niece and nephew and putting it on my disorder instead of herself and why? All because I believe God will bring this guy back and they do not believe it because of homosexual bigotry. But I can't prove them wrong no matter how much I try and they contradict me and I just don't know how much more I can take. I am being put through too much then I can handle. I feel everyday that I am struggling with who I am and all because I want to be with the man I truly love.

Another reason I know me and him are meant to be is because we have similar childhood backgrounds (parents divorced [though for different reasons], raised by our grandparents because of it, both have ex-step-fathers that we despised.) I know that there are thousands who could have these similar backgrounds but we also had common traits and people like this to come together as we did only come once in a life time and as I mentioned above the common age gap between me and him and my grandparents and me being the youngest like my grandmother whom I was close with like I am with him. I don't believe in coincidence, I long ago stopped believing in that.

Now, I won't go into long details like why we added a third person to the relationship or what all our problems were because I have since forgiving the situation and some of the problems he caused in our relationship, I'm not innocent, I had my faults and have asked for forgiveness but I still cannot forgive myself for what I have done to him. So please don't ask. It will make me feel like I am a hypocrite and a liar so I will not bring it up. I've even forgiven him for leaving me and have asked God to forgive him for it and our past problems.

All I want is for prayers for me and my significant other to get back together because he is where I belong not here with my family (I am currently living with my mother who is my payee.) I haven't had a great relationship with my sister ever and my mother since I was eight and she always speaks negatively about me about how I was a bad kid, etc. and my significant other despised her and I can't blame him nor do I condemn him for it because he saw how bad she is for himself. I have long ago accepted this and have no desire to change it. I love them but want no part of them. Right now I don't have much of an option. I don't drive as of yet and my mother is my payee. Not going into details.

Oh, my significant other does know about what has happened with my family and from what I've gathered he isn't thrilled about it. Apparently a family member of his that I am friends with told him. Me and my significant other are currently not in contact but he has spoken with my cousin and told her things and I know they are true cause they are complaints about me but the same time she claims he truly cares about me and that's just sending mixed messages because if he truly cares then why leave me in the first place and keep allowing this to happen to me? I don't know if he knows he's why (by that I mean the above mentioning of what my family believes) my cousin claims he does but I will say my cousin isn't 100% reliable either so you have to kind of pick and choose what to believe from what she says. I believe he does care about me (probably still loves me) but I'm just saying that's a funny way of showing someone you care to run off with another person and to have heard what is happening to me and has made no contact with me what-so-ever. I still love him regardless. There's nothing can be done about my family. They have rights just as much as I do, though I feel I don't have any rights at the moment.
 
Also, am I praying wrong is that why God hasn't brought him back yet? What am I doing wrong? What am I to do? I have been faithful to God and have asked for forgiveness for my sins and I have tried really hard to believe Matthew 21:22 (please don't quote "God's will", Matthew 21:22 makes it clear that it has nothing to do with God's will when it comes to "Ask, believe, receive." Yes I know God's word and I am very against the whole adding exceptions to what is written in the word that aren't there in a verse) and with what I am going through who can blame me, even my therapist and the psychiatric place are in agreement that, with or without a disorder, I am being put through too much humanly possible to deal with on a daily bases.

I may add that I have had some health issues along with being exhausted and sick to my stomach,  all the time from the strain and stress. There's another health issue but I'm not putting that on here. I have had suicidal thoughts because off all this though I won't act on them out of fear he will get the full blame for it and I can't do that to him.

So please, pray for me and pray that my significant other will come back. And if I am praying wrong please let me know. I ask God to break them up and to bring him back to me because I don't want nothing to do with the guy he left me for as the guy was a supposed "friend" of mine from high school that I had a crush on but he deceived me for years about our friendship I found out from his two-faced best friend and taking my significant other was one thing too many. I am working on forgiving my ex-friend but deceiving me for years then doing this was too much at once. I just want to be with my significant other. He is my best friend, my soulmate, my lover and my better half. I love him purely and always have and always will and I just want to spend the rest of my life with him.

So please, pray that me and him get back together.

[CJ McCrea]

Hi Enrique, my name is CJ and I saw your post.  I presume Rev Jim will eventually greet you, but I wanted to respond to you.  It sounds like you have a few serious issues you need to work through and perhaps I can add something valuable.  Maybe not.  I've been a believer for 30+ years and have been around the block, but everyone is different.

First off, it sounds like you've been a victim of spiritual violence within your 'conservative' family, I'm guessing Catholic.  But it also sounds like you are well-grounded in your faith and that is the number one key issue right now for you.  If you are not grounded in who you are in Christ, then you will be fresh meat for haters and those that want to toss you back into a life of fear, self-hatred, and lonliness.  God affirms you, period, so if you're even doubting that, then ignore the voices countering that and cleave to Him and His eternal promises.  That's critical.  I can't speak to your family situation because I have no position to say 'go there' or 'leave that' or 'move over there'.  I pray that your situation will simply get better.  Regards to your familial opposition, sometimes we just have to deal with the toxic relationships in our lives (I have several I cannot escape) and do our best to inoculate ourselves to their influences. 

I won't address your decision to try a 'thruple', but I have a close friend who had the exact same experience.  The departure of his original partner was devastating, but the fact they moved into a thruple was evident something was not totally right with their relationship.  I have a few other friends in thruples and all but one has ended in disaster.  The one that still endures experiences fistfights on a semi-regular basis.  Not a great idea if you ask me.  Enough said.

You ask "am I praying wrong" as I want my partner to come back?  In a nutshell, yes, in my opinion.  Certainly God wants us to pray for all kinds of things, but please be careful not to set yourself up for failure.  I had a close friend who was convinced his ex-wife was going to come back to him.  He was devastated over her leaving him.  Even many 'prophetic' prayers over him declared she was going to return.  Well, of COURSE she didn't, because she made her mind up that the marriage was over.  This is one of many examples I can cite.  It takes 'two to tango', Enrique.  If he doesn't want to come back, I don't believe any prayer is going to bring him back as he has his own free will.  He might...but how healthy would the relationship be?  You already suggested there were problems...and the fact you transitioned into a thruple tells me you 2 need to deal with serious relationship issues - is he willing to do that?  I would appeal to focus on praying for your heart to be healed first.

Lastly, may I add, that you need to look squarely at your 'obsession' with your ex.  Not trying to mean (trust me I have had my heart broken twice in the last 4 years), but this is important to your health and emotional well being.  It appears, by your explanation, that others around you are aware of your continued attachment to him.  May I appeal to you that you need to find your value and grounding, first, in who you are and who you are to God?  Anything in addition to that can be unhealthy.  Perhaps God intervened in your relationship because He knew it wasn't healthy.  It's a possibility.  Perhaps you need to get grounded again and start over - this time with a healthier attitude and self-actualization in Christ. 

And perhaps I'm off base on most of this diatribe, but I believe there is some relevancy in what I telling you.

All the best to you Enrique and I encourage you to read through this site - there are a lot of fantastic messages and rebuttals on here! 

Blessings to you and I will continue to monitor the site.

CJ