Post by clansmanchris on Aug 23, 2016 3:19:33 GMT -5
At first Lee* and I were inseparable. Although we lived approximately 130 miles apart – me in Tunbridge Wells and Lee in Bristol – whenever we were together, we were joined at the hip!
From a chance meeting in The Hoist (a uniform fetish bar in Vauxhall) in March 2012, we very soon fell head over heels in love with one another; we both shared the same sexual fetishes and, outside of the bedroom, we both shared a love of classical music and opera, visiting stately homes and landscaped gardens, walking in the countryside, travelling, and eating out in Italian and Oriental restaurants.
Very soon after Lee ceased roleplaying as the naughty (adult) schoolboy and I quit being his strict no-nonsense housemaster, we began chatting openly with one another about becoming hitched although there remained differences between us on how best this could be realised, with Lee being Buddhist and desirous of marriage – once same-sex marriage was put on a statutory footing – and me being Christian and sceptical of the Government’s motives for legislating to permit same-sex marriage whilst being content with having a civil partnership (with a blessing from one of Lee’s Buddhist teachers and one of my United Reformed Church Ministers). Lee was also supportive of same-sex couples been allowed to adopt and/or foster children whereas I still feel that, ideally, children need to be raised by both a male and female role-model ... preferably their biological parents, within the sanctity of marriage.
As the months progressed Lee and I tentatively made plans for my move to Bristol, scheduled for some time last year. When Wayne (Lee’s gay lodger) moved out, Lee did not advertise for another but chose instead to leave his spare bedroom vacant for me to occupy on the nights I may eventually have chosen not to sleep with him (if I was still working unsocial hours) to avoid disturbing him, once my transfer had come through with work to accelerate my move to be with him.
Alas, all was not to be. The day after we celebrated Lee’s forty-third birthday in October 2013, Lee unexpectedly told me my relationship with him was over leaving me feeling dumbstruck and bereft. To this day I do not know fully understand why but, I suspect, Lee had cold feet as I was his first gay lover whilst Lee was my fourth, but my first since breaking-up with Philippe (a local guy) approximately eight or nine years ago. The similarities between Lee and Philippe were uncanny: both are very close to their parents, both have younger sisters, both are Dr Who geeks, both enjoy classical music and opera, both are white-collar professionals, both are three years my junior; and yet my relationship ended with both of them on the threshold of the Government of the day legislating to make some form of union with them legal, (i.e., for civil partnerships between same-sex couples at the time of my break-up with Philippe and for same-sex marriage at the time of my break-up with Lee), leaving me wondering whether there was – or is – indeed a message from upon high, that I am predestined (if one will forgive me for invoking a Calvinistic note to all this) not to marry, if not necessarily not to be homosexual! Certainly, in the twenty months or so that Lee and I were an-item, I felt I had become as close to him as I had in the six or seven years I was an-item with Philippe, with whom I surprisingly found myself falling in love after reluctantly agreeing to end a relationship with a much-older guy from Northern Ireland called Jimmy who specifically asked me to find someone nearer to me age-wise and geographically, so I would not be on my own were he to predecease me which he recently has at the youthful age of 94! For both me and Lee, our relationship was very intense, perhaps too intense for each other’s good; and made all the more so by the sudden death of Lee’s former business partner Lynette (to whom he had also previously become engaged to be married when he was denying his own homosexuality a few years earlier) on 8th February 2013.
And so today, three-and-a-half years on from when Lee and I first met, the happy couple or the double act (as we were quickly dubbed by our circle of friends from The Hoist and elsewhere) are sadly no more. We are no longer in-touch with each other and I am slowly closing an all-too-brief chapter in my life, apart from him, short but enjoyable though the time was when Lee and I were in love with one another, leaving me to ask myself and others one of life’s most vexed questions is it better to have found love and lost it, or not to have loved at all?!
My reason for sharing these autobiographical details about myself is to invite YOU to ask yourself various questions, and perhaps initiate a discussion within your own church or circle of friends using the following questions as a basis for discussion:-
1). What are your views on same-sex relationships?
2). Do you support (or oppose) civil partnerships or marriage for same-sex couples? Would you support (or oppose) same-sex marriage in your own church?
3). Further to that, do you support (or oppose) same-sex couples adopting or fostering children, or even same-sex couples having a child of their own (with assistance from a third parent of the opposite sex outside the bonds of a civil partnership/marriage to either or both partners in the same-sex relationship)? Would you approve of (or oppose) the baptism of a child adopted or fostered by a same-sex couple – or a child born of a three parent relationship rather than two – in your own church?
4). What are your views on relationships (heterosexual/homosexual/transgendered) between couples with different spiritual and/or philosophical beliefs to each other? (Lee always regarded Buddhism as a philosophy and way of life rather than a religion such as Christianity of and in which I, as a follower, have firmly-held beliefs and faith in a living creator god).
5). What advice would you give to a fellow Christian surviving the break-up of a relationship or death of a loved one? Would this differ, in any way, if his/her partner was the same (or opposite) sex to him/her, and/or had different spiritual/philosophical beliefs to their former/deceased partner?
6). Are homosexuality and/or transsexuality examples of sexual deviancy and social non-conformity (as my late father claimed they to be) or is our sexual orientation and/or gender identity (whatever it may be) no greater or no lesser part of our being than our other characteristics (e.g., the colour of our skin, and whether or not we have hair on our head), that make each of us unique but, hopefully, equally loved and special in the eyes of the Lord?
7). On Valentine’s Day when. as Christians, we celebrate the gift of love whilst many in the Lesbian, Gay, Bisexual and Transgendered Community simultaneously feel unloved by the church (as a whole) on account of their sexuality what can, or should, we do – individually and collectively – to spread our love to those of different beliefs, gender identities and/or sexual orientations to our own?
Feel free to e-mail your answers to me at clansmanchris2002@yahoo.co.uk. I promise not to take offence if you disagree with me on any one or more of the aforementioned points.
From a chance meeting in The Hoist (a uniform fetish bar in Vauxhall) in March 2012, we very soon fell head over heels in love with one another; we both shared the same sexual fetishes and, outside of the bedroom, we both shared a love of classical music and opera, visiting stately homes and landscaped gardens, walking in the countryside, travelling, and eating out in Italian and Oriental restaurants.
Very soon after Lee ceased roleplaying as the naughty (adult) schoolboy and I quit being his strict no-nonsense housemaster, we began chatting openly with one another about becoming hitched although there remained differences between us on how best this could be realised, with Lee being Buddhist and desirous of marriage – once same-sex marriage was put on a statutory footing – and me being Christian and sceptical of the Government’s motives for legislating to permit same-sex marriage whilst being content with having a civil partnership (with a blessing from one of Lee’s Buddhist teachers and one of my United Reformed Church Ministers). Lee was also supportive of same-sex couples been allowed to adopt and/or foster children whereas I still feel that, ideally, children need to be raised by both a male and female role-model ... preferably their biological parents, within the sanctity of marriage.
As the months progressed Lee and I tentatively made plans for my move to Bristol, scheduled for some time last year. When Wayne (Lee’s gay lodger) moved out, Lee did not advertise for another but chose instead to leave his spare bedroom vacant for me to occupy on the nights I may eventually have chosen not to sleep with him (if I was still working unsocial hours) to avoid disturbing him, once my transfer had come through with work to accelerate my move to be with him.
Alas, all was not to be. The day after we celebrated Lee’s forty-third birthday in October 2013, Lee unexpectedly told me my relationship with him was over leaving me feeling dumbstruck and bereft. To this day I do not know fully understand why but, I suspect, Lee had cold feet as I was his first gay lover whilst Lee was my fourth, but my first since breaking-up with Philippe (a local guy) approximately eight or nine years ago. The similarities between Lee and Philippe were uncanny: both are very close to their parents, both have younger sisters, both are Dr Who geeks, both enjoy classical music and opera, both are white-collar professionals, both are three years my junior; and yet my relationship ended with both of them on the threshold of the Government of the day legislating to make some form of union with them legal, (i.e., for civil partnerships between same-sex couples at the time of my break-up with Philippe and for same-sex marriage at the time of my break-up with Lee), leaving me wondering whether there was – or is – indeed a message from upon high, that I am predestined (if one will forgive me for invoking a Calvinistic note to all this) not to marry, if not necessarily not to be homosexual! Certainly, in the twenty months or so that Lee and I were an-item, I felt I had become as close to him as I had in the six or seven years I was an-item with Philippe, with whom I surprisingly found myself falling in love after reluctantly agreeing to end a relationship with a much-older guy from Northern Ireland called Jimmy who specifically asked me to find someone nearer to me age-wise and geographically, so I would not be on my own were he to predecease me which he recently has at the youthful age of 94! For both me and Lee, our relationship was very intense, perhaps too intense for each other’s good; and made all the more so by the sudden death of Lee’s former business partner Lynette (to whom he had also previously become engaged to be married when he was denying his own homosexuality a few years earlier) on 8th February 2013.
And so today, three-and-a-half years on from when Lee and I first met, the happy couple or the double act (as we were quickly dubbed by our circle of friends from The Hoist and elsewhere) are sadly no more. We are no longer in-touch with each other and I am slowly closing an all-too-brief chapter in my life, apart from him, short but enjoyable though the time was when Lee and I were in love with one another, leaving me to ask myself and others one of life’s most vexed questions is it better to have found love and lost it, or not to have loved at all?!
My reason for sharing these autobiographical details about myself is to invite YOU to ask yourself various questions, and perhaps initiate a discussion within your own church or circle of friends using the following questions as a basis for discussion:-
1). What are your views on same-sex relationships?
2). Do you support (or oppose) civil partnerships or marriage for same-sex couples? Would you support (or oppose) same-sex marriage in your own church?
3). Further to that, do you support (or oppose) same-sex couples adopting or fostering children, or even same-sex couples having a child of their own (with assistance from a third parent of the opposite sex outside the bonds of a civil partnership/marriage to either or both partners in the same-sex relationship)? Would you approve of (or oppose) the baptism of a child adopted or fostered by a same-sex couple – or a child born of a three parent relationship rather than two – in your own church?
4). What are your views on relationships (heterosexual/homosexual/transgendered) between couples with different spiritual and/or philosophical beliefs to each other? (Lee always regarded Buddhism as a philosophy and way of life rather than a religion such as Christianity of and in which I, as a follower, have firmly-held beliefs and faith in a living creator god).
5). What advice would you give to a fellow Christian surviving the break-up of a relationship or death of a loved one? Would this differ, in any way, if his/her partner was the same (or opposite) sex to him/her, and/or had different spiritual/philosophical beliefs to their former/deceased partner?
6). Are homosexuality and/or transsexuality examples of sexual deviancy and social non-conformity (as my late father claimed they to be) or is our sexual orientation and/or gender identity (whatever it may be) no greater or no lesser part of our being than our other characteristics (e.g., the colour of our skin, and whether or not we have hair on our head), that make each of us unique but, hopefully, equally loved and special in the eyes of the Lord?
7). On Valentine’s Day when. as Christians, we celebrate the gift of love whilst many in the Lesbian, Gay, Bisexual and Transgendered Community simultaneously feel unloved by the church (as a whole) on account of their sexuality what can, or should, we do – individually and collectively – to spread our love to those of different beliefs, gender identities and/or sexual orientations to our own?
Feel free to e-mail your answers to me at clansmanchris2002@yahoo.co.uk. I promise not to take offence if you disagree with me on any one or more of the aforementioned points.