Post by Rev. Jim Cunningham on Nov 19, 2008 2:32:11 GMT -5
From: Manager Rev. Jim (Original Message) Sent: 1/23/2005 12:35 AM
Hello brothers and sisters.
While I will never reveal the names of those who write private letters to me concerning homosexuality, from time to time I like to share those letters with the group, in hopes of providing assistance for others who may be coping with the same situation. Here is a recent letter, along with my response.
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Sir, when my youngest sister came to the family and advised us that she is lesbian we of course were devastated. It does not diminish my love for my sister but our friendship has of course been shattered. Having younger children I know that she would not let any harm come to them. The problem is I have not been able to allow myself to permit her with her partner to come into my house for a visit. They live several states away so any visit would be extended. I simply said to my sister, you can come but both of you can not stay here. I can not find any scripture that says I am right but could you show me scripture that I am wrong. - [name withheld]
Dear friend, thank you for writing,
If you don't mind, I would like to be straightforward and blunt here. PLEASE do not take it as being disrespectful. They say you can catch more flies with honey than with vinegar, but I don't believe in sugar coating things. So, without ado....
First, I must say that I am totally confused as to why you and your family would be devastated by your sister revealing that she is a lesbian. If she had committed murder or raped or molested someone, or robbed you blind, then I could understand why you would be devastated. But devastated because she told you that she is attracted to women - that is not defendable. You say that your love for her has not diminished, and yet you say your friendship with her has been shattered. I think that that is a very clear indication that your love for her HAS diminished. I can't possibly imagine that she got up the boldness and strength, endured the heartache and fear, to tell you all that she was a lesbian with the goal of shattering your relationships. No, if the relationship is shattered, it is not her doing. Love is unconditional. Period.
Second, since you presume that homosexuality is a sin, you seem to have elevated homosexuality far above all other sins. To be DEVASTED by her homosexuality (which, incidentally, has no bearing on your life whatsoever since, as you said you love her just the same, and therefore means you will treat her just the same) is in essence saying that she has committed some grave crime, which is hardly the truth and is most self-righteous and, if I may dare say, arrogant on your part and on the part of your family. What if your sister was a glutton, and had a food addiction. Suppose she was left-handed. Would you be equally as "devastated"?
You have to understand that since society, and especially the church, has treated homosexuality like it were the unpardonable sin and the most evil thing in the world, and have persecuted homosexuals (I myself have been beaten nearly to death by a "Christian" man who broke into my home after he found out that I am gay) it makes it very difficult for homosexuals just to try and get by in life, knowing that everyone hates them for who they are. (And you can't say that you "love the sinner but hate the sin" because that is as absurd as saying "love the black man but hate the color of his skin"). Many times homosexuals will hide their true identity from family and friends for fear of losing them. Others will even get married to people of the opposite sex just to make everyone else happy - though they will be very miserable inside because it is not right for them. They will give up their entire lives just to make everyone else content and feel safe in their own selfish rose-colored world.
I cannot tell you what to do in your own home, and I'm not going to twist your arm to make you believe what is right. But if you refuse to accept the truth about your sister and refuse to allow her AND the mate of HER choice - not your choice - to visit and stay with you in your home, you are hurting yourself and definitely hurting her. I do not believe that being homosexual is a sin. However, since you do believe that it is a sin, I want you to consider what Jesus would do. Would he allow those horrible, evil and wicked, devil corrupted, blaspheming perverted people, that you seem to think they are, to come and stay at His house? He chastised those who called themselves righteous and ate with publicans and harlots in their homes, and He didn't try to convert them, but rather simply showed them the love and compassion that no one else would. And if you believe that she is living in sin, showing Christ's love is what you should be doing for her because only the Holy Spirit can change a person - not your shutting her and her mate out. So you must decide what is right - and you must think on what is best for HER right now. While you sit in self righteousness and so sure that you are being holy for not letting her mate stay with her in your home, why not instead show pity and mercy and compassion for her, knowing how truly devastated SHE is for having trusted you by coming to you with the truth about herself, only to be shunned and to be treated coldly. You may welcome HER, but would you want to go somewhere where you were welcome but your wife was rejected? If she has chosen a mate, they are now one person. You take both of them or none of them. You cannot edit out the parts about her that you do not like. I know you would rather that she were heterosexual, but she is not. Would you rather that she lied to you instead and cut you out of her life? As actorHarvey Fierstein once said, "There is nothing that I need from anyone but love and respect, and anyone who cannot give me those two simple things has no business being here." You need to love and RESPECT your sister. "But how can I respect her?" you may think. It's easy. Change your attitude. Remember, it's you that has the problem with it, not her.
As for Scripture verses, I would like to direct you to my website. The reason I created the site is because I have so many people who write to me about this topic that it would simply take too long to keep rewriting it. However, the website is simple and to the point, easy to navigate. When you go to the site you will see a list of options in the left menu bar which covers each of the Bible verses used by the church to condemn homosexuality. There is also a page there about King David and gay marriage and why it is supported by Scripture. Please also be sure to read the section entitled "Adam & Steve", as it is very important. You are welcome to print out any section that you so wish so that you do not have to sit in front of your computer all day to read it, and you will be able to take it with you to read on your spare time.
One thing you'll need to identify about yourself is that, as you read the website, your first instinct will be to reject anything "pro-gay". That of course is natural because you are use to your world and your religion being "pro-straight/anti-gay". You need to put at least a temporary hold on that instinct. Not that you should believe "every wind of doctrine", but if you have set yourself to believe something and will not budge, especially when it is an issue that you are using to condemn others with, then not even the Holy Spirit will be able to get through to you. Read with an open heart and with open eyes, with honesty and without judgment or a preconceived view. You have already heard the hellfire and brimstone message about homosexuality that is crammed down everyone's throats ad infinitum, so now be fair and hear a different perspective.
The web address is www.GayChristianSurvivors.com
What you should know about the website and about me:
Along with my family, I am a fundamental conservative Christian who holds the Holy Scriptures to be the Word of God and the Final Authority on all matters. I reject modern translations of the Bible, such as the NIV and the NKJV due to the total corruption of the Scriptures by their editors. I use only the King James Version, which is a word-for-word translation of the Hebrew Old Testament and the Textus Receptus New Testamnt Greek. On the matter of sex - I believe that sex is something done, biblically speaking, only within a lifelong covenant union (ie Marriage), and I believe, as the Scriptures teach, that sex is for the purpose of binding two souls together. (I discuss this at length on the website). You will also find on my website my statement of faith so that you can see exactly what I believe. I hope this has been of some help.
- Rev.Jim Cunningham
Hello brothers and sisters.
While I will never reveal the names of those who write private letters to me concerning homosexuality, from time to time I like to share those letters with the group, in hopes of providing assistance for others who may be coping with the same situation. Here is a recent letter, along with my response.
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Sir, when my youngest sister came to the family and advised us that she is lesbian we of course were devastated. It does not diminish my love for my sister but our friendship has of course been shattered. Having younger children I know that she would not let any harm come to them. The problem is I have not been able to allow myself to permit her with her partner to come into my house for a visit. They live several states away so any visit would be extended. I simply said to my sister, you can come but both of you can not stay here. I can not find any scripture that says I am right but could you show me scripture that I am wrong. - [name withheld]
Dear friend, thank you for writing,
If you don't mind, I would like to be straightforward and blunt here. PLEASE do not take it as being disrespectful. They say you can catch more flies with honey than with vinegar, but I don't believe in sugar coating things. So, without ado....
First, I must say that I am totally confused as to why you and your family would be devastated by your sister revealing that she is a lesbian. If she had committed murder or raped or molested someone, or robbed you blind, then I could understand why you would be devastated. But devastated because she told you that she is attracted to women - that is not defendable. You say that your love for her has not diminished, and yet you say your friendship with her has been shattered. I think that that is a very clear indication that your love for her HAS diminished. I can't possibly imagine that she got up the boldness and strength, endured the heartache and fear, to tell you all that she was a lesbian with the goal of shattering your relationships. No, if the relationship is shattered, it is not her doing. Love is unconditional. Period.
Second, since you presume that homosexuality is a sin, you seem to have elevated homosexuality far above all other sins. To be DEVASTED by her homosexuality (which, incidentally, has no bearing on your life whatsoever since, as you said you love her just the same, and therefore means you will treat her just the same) is in essence saying that she has committed some grave crime, which is hardly the truth and is most self-righteous and, if I may dare say, arrogant on your part and on the part of your family. What if your sister was a glutton, and had a food addiction. Suppose she was left-handed. Would you be equally as "devastated"?
You have to understand that since society, and especially the church, has treated homosexuality like it were the unpardonable sin and the most evil thing in the world, and have persecuted homosexuals (I myself have been beaten nearly to death by a "Christian" man who broke into my home after he found out that I am gay) it makes it very difficult for homosexuals just to try and get by in life, knowing that everyone hates them for who they are. (And you can't say that you "love the sinner but hate the sin" because that is as absurd as saying "love the black man but hate the color of his skin"). Many times homosexuals will hide their true identity from family and friends for fear of losing them. Others will even get married to people of the opposite sex just to make everyone else happy - though they will be very miserable inside because it is not right for them. They will give up their entire lives just to make everyone else content and feel safe in their own selfish rose-colored world.
I cannot tell you what to do in your own home, and I'm not going to twist your arm to make you believe what is right. But if you refuse to accept the truth about your sister and refuse to allow her AND the mate of HER choice - not your choice - to visit and stay with you in your home, you are hurting yourself and definitely hurting her. I do not believe that being homosexual is a sin. However, since you do believe that it is a sin, I want you to consider what Jesus would do. Would he allow those horrible, evil and wicked, devil corrupted, blaspheming perverted people, that you seem to think they are, to come and stay at His house? He chastised those who called themselves righteous and ate with publicans and harlots in their homes, and He didn't try to convert them, but rather simply showed them the love and compassion that no one else would. And if you believe that she is living in sin, showing Christ's love is what you should be doing for her because only the Holy Spirit can change a person - not your shutting her and her mate out. So you must decide what is right - and you must think on what is best for HER right now. While you sit in self righteousness and so sure that you are being holy for not letting her mate stay with her in your home, why not instead show pity and mercy and compassion for her, knowing how truly devastated SHE is for having trusted you by coming to you with the truth about herself, only to be shunned and to be treated coldly. You may welcome HER, but would you want to go somewhere where you were welcome but your wife was rejected? If she has chosen a mate, they are now one person. You take both of them or none of them. You cannot edit out the parts about her that you do not like. I know you would rather that she were heterosexual, but she is not. Would you rather that she lied to you instead and cut you out of her life? As actorHarvey Fierstein once said, "There is nothing that I need from anyone but love and respect, and anyone who cannot give me those two simple things has no business being here." You need to love and RESPECT your sister. "But how can I respect her?" you may think. It's easy. Change your attitude. Remember, it's you that has the problem with it, not her.
As for Scripture verses, I would like to direct you to my website. The reason I created the site is because I have so many people who write to me about this topic that it would simply take too long to keep rewriting it. However, the website is simple and to the point, easy to navigate. When you go to the site you will see a list of options in the left menu bar which covers each of the Bible verses used by the church to condemn homosexuality. There is also a page there about King David and gay marriage and why it is supported by Scripture. Please also be sure to read the section entitled "Adam & Steve", as it is very important. You are welcome to print out any section that you so wish so that you do not have to sit in front of your computer all day to read it, and you will be able to take it with you to read on your spare time.
One thing you'll need to identify about yourself is that, as you read the website, your first instinct will be to reject anything "pro-gay". That of course is natural because you are use to your world and your religion being "pro-straight/anti-gay". You need to put at least a temporary hold on that instinct. Not that you should believe "every wind of doctrine", but if you have set yourself to believe something and will not budge, especially when it is an issue that you are using to condemn others with, then not even the Holy Spirit will be able to get through to you. Read with an open heart and with open eyes, with honesty and without judgment or a preconceived view. You have already heard the hellfire and brimstone message about homosexuality that is crammed down everyone's throats ad infinitum, so now be fair and hear a different perspective.
The web address is www.GayChristianSurvivors.com
What you should know about the website and about me:
Along with my family, I am a fundamental conservative Christian who holds the Holy Scriptures to be the Word of God and the Final Authority on all matters. I reject modern translations of the Bible, such as the NIV and the NKJV due to the total corruption of the Scriptures by their editors. I use only the King James Version, which is a word-for-word translation of the Hebrew Old Testament and the Textus Receptus New Testamnt Greek. On the matter of sex - I believe that sex is something done, biblically speaking, only within a lifelong covenant union (ie Marriage), and I believe, as the Scriptures teach, that sex is for the purpose of binding two souls together. (I discuss this at length on the website). You will also find on my website my statement of faith so that you can see exactly what I believe. I hope this has been of some help.
- Rev.Jim Cunningham