Confused about sex vs sexual identity

[Rev. Jim Cunningham]

From: darcy-34 (Original Message) Sent: 5/25/2007 1:21 PM
Hi, My name is Matthew and I'm new here.

I have a question. I have been reading the sex vs. sexuality article. There is a part that says that you are espoused to the first person with whom you have sex, in God's eyes. I did not see it that way and am in a relationship with another person at this time, nor did I love the person. Does this mean that I am commiting adultery with my current spouse because I am really married to this other person? Both of us moved on to other people years ago........

[Rev. Jim Cunningham]

From: Manager Rev. Jim Sent: 5/26/2007 12:02 PM
Hi Darcy,

Thank you for your post and for asking such an important question. As always, the only response to any theological question that I can give is what I perceive from the Holy Scriptures. Yes, I believe by context of the Scriptures that we are espoused to the first person with whom we have sex, in God's eyes. We know this to be so because the Law and context of the Scriptures show us that A) sex is the only act which creates and consumates a marriage, B) any sex without intent of a married relationship is fornication, and C) any sex with anyone to whom you are not married to is adultery. Marriage is not the giving of vows nor a pronouncement from a governing body. Sex/marriage is a heavenly institution, while ceremony and legal recognition are human institutions, which is exactly why same-gender couples are in no need of government recognition for their marriages to be lawful in God's eyes.

When you have sex with someone, you have made them your spouse. This is the reason that the Bible law commands rapists to be married to their victim (if the victim has not cry out to profess that he/she does not consent to the act). WHY the two people had sex is irrelivant - whether out of love, or lust or rape - because when the deed is done, the deed is done. You can't say, "Ooops, my mistake!" Yes, God DOES forgive mistakes, but before mercy comes, the Law and judgment comes. It is mercy that overturns the punishment of the Law. If there is no law and judgement, to what purpose is mercy? Ignorance is also an invalid excuse.

Now bear in mind that while God's Law is for the whole world, those who are unbelievers are not bound to observe it. Unbelievers are ALREADY condemned whether of not they observe the Law, since salvation comes by works and not deeds. The only reason anyone would obey God's Law is because they believe in the God of the Law. Those who are in the world fornicate, adulterate, and divorce. However, God's Law requires no fornication, no adultery and no divorce; and those who love and fear God will obey this and therefore a marriage would be a godly relationship and all of the issues which cause divorce among the unbelievers should not be an issue in a godly marriage. Jesus, though, does acknowledge that even the most godly people are imperfect and still sin, and He is also acutely aware of the power of lust and the sex drive and therefore states that the only valid reason for divorce among believers is adultery, because adultery breaks the marriage covenant. And to believers who are married to an unbeliever, the believer is free to accept the divorce of the unbelieving spouse if they do not wish to remain married; though the believer is asked of the Lord to stick it out with the unbelieving spouse if that unbelieving spouse is content to remain in the marriage in the event that the believer may be able to save the unbeliever.

Now, of course, God is the God of forgivenness and mercy. All of the fornication and adultery that we committed when we were in the world was forgiven when we were saved and born again by faith in Jesus. That past is gone. And where we err after that salvation, our repentance and reliance on Jesus washes off our sin.

So, to sum it up, When you have sex, you are married. Sex with anyone is is adultery. If that sex wasn't for the intent of marriage and you go to have sex with someone else, it is fornication, punishable by death. When you are saved by Jesus, all of that sin is washed away. From that point on, as a believer, you are commanded to keep yourself clean from fornication. The person with whom you have sex with from this point on had better be your spouse. If you fail, as a believer the door to the Father's throne room is open for you to apologize for the crime. However, bear in mind that Christ Jesus sits in that Throne Room. When you repent and seek forgiveness, in the spiritual realm you are standing in the presence of God in His Throne Room upon His Judgement Seat. There is Jesus, alive again after being put to death for your sins. You are now about to tell Him that you committed a sin worthy of death and that you seek forgivenness for it. The only way that it can be forgiven is by Jesus taking the punishment, which He already has. The sincere feeling that you should have when you apologize is, "Father, I am so sorry for this crime because it was against your Law and because YOU, my precious beloved Creator, were brutally and unspeakably killed for it. Oh my Savior, please forgive me! I am so sorry that I did this to You!" And you are forgiven with grace and mercy. From then you are expected never to have to come before Him again with another charge of this crime. You are expected to remain faithful to your spouse until death.

I hope this was helpful.
Rev. Jim