Post by Rev. Jim Cunningham on Nov 19, 2008 4:31:06 GMT -5
From: Manager Rev. Jim (Original Message) Sent: 4/10/2007 12:42 AM
Hi all,
I honestly didn't mean for this to turn into a discussion on psychology and why many people do not love themselves. I was simply referring to the actual statement that the Lord made concerning His requirement that we love Him, others, and ourselves. How do you love the Lord, others and yourself? "If you love Me, keep My commandments." God's Word tells us, through His Law, how we are to treat each other and ourselves. If we look at ourselves with the eyes of Jesus, if we "put on the mind of Christ" and "put on the armor of God" everyday as we were commanded to, loving ourselves and others will come naturally through the Holy Spirit. BELIEVE ME, I understand the perspective that it is difficult to love yourself when you have been degraded, abused, put down and belittled all your life, when you have been deprived of love from the very people that you should have received it from. We as a gay community have suffered this to an extreme extent. I suffered from severe depression for MANY years because of this very thing, and it got to the point that if one more person told me I needed to love myself more, they would need to get a set of dentures!
How?! I would ask. How do I love myself? Obviously if everyone treats me as though I were worthless, there must be some truth to it. And no I don't want to see a shrink! Why do I want some stranger in a hour session to tell me why I feel the way I do when the only way they could know me and how I feel is if they ARE me or if they are a close friend who knows me very well? I'm just a screw up. I mess everything up. Nothing goes right for me. I don't even feel like a person; I feel like an "it". People treat their dog better than they treat me. I'm such a loser. If someone would just give me a chance to show that I'm really a great person, that I'm full of love for people, that I'm honest and sincere, maybe someone will love me, even though I'm just an "it"!
Every day, each time I looked in the mirror, I would just trash myself. Jez, you are so dang ugly! No one wants you. No one loves you. No one cares about you. You're a loser! You mess up at work, you say stupid things, you do stupid things. What an idiot I am. I can't do anything right. Well, God helps those who help themselves! You've got to believe that you aren't all those things! Oh bull! If you're trapped at the bottom of a deep dark well, how the heck are you suppose to pull yourself out!
But the Lord showed me, I CAN'T pull myself out. I'm not the Savior, HE is. God didn't say He helps those who help themselves; He said He helps those who CAN'T help themselves. And He showed me that I HAD to get out of this depression, that this had to stop because it was not right. But how? Here I am trying to be a witness for Christ and love my neighbor, yet I had no love for myself because I hadn't ever been shown love. Everyone that I expected would show me love just crapped on me and wounded me.
So the first thing the Lord showed me was this:
You cannot change the past. You cannot change what was done to you. You have to come to terms with this fact.
Next, I've already told you in my Word that I love you, and that I love you so much that I died for you, and that one day I'm coming back for you. You are special to Me, you are precious to Me. Therefore, if you think that you are worthless, you are believing a falsehood. Don't you think it hurts Me, knowing how badly you were wounded? What they did to you was wrong. And what you say about yourself is wrong.
So what then, Lord; am I suppose to look at myself in the mirror and tell myself how wonderful I am? I don't believe I am of worth, so how am I suppose to make myself believe that I am? Where's it suppose to come from? How do I convince myself of something that I do not believe is true? By telling yourself the truth. Don't tell yourself that you are wonderful, because that will not work. Don't try to think of the good things about yourself, because you already think you are a loser and therefore in your mind it will outweigh anything that is good about you, and it will feel hollow. You must tell yourself the truth. Ok, well, so what is the truth? Is it true that you ALWAYS mess up? Yes. Well, no, not always. Then the next time you are about to tell yourself that you are a loser, that you never do anything right, tell yourself, "Whoops, I made a mistake. I'm human. It will be okay. I'm not dead. It's not the end of the world. I'll learn from this mistake and try to do better next time." And for heaven's sake, you've GOT to stop being so disrespectful to yourself! You are the Temple of the living God, how do you dare to treat My Temple so disrespectfully?
But, how do I treat myself respectfully, Lord? By stop talking to yourself in a way that you would never tolerate from others. Stop calling yourself names. Stop presuming that you're going to have another bad day. Stop planning for defeat. Remind yourself that I, your God, am with you always. I am never far away. I know that how others treat you is important to you. I know that you needed love from your parents, your friends, your spouse, and they didn't show you that love. But it has turned to bitterness in you and it has turned you against yourself. So are you just going to wallow in this for the rest of your life? You just trust Me and let Me handle your wounds. But I need you to work with Me. You can't pull yourself up by yourself, but you CAN take My hand so that I can pull you up. You must be good to yourself. But I don't love myself; how can I? It's not how I feel. Let Me ask you something. Ok Lord. When I said that you are saved by believing in Me, did you do it because it felt good? Well, no; it was because I believed Your Gospel. When I told you to obey my commandments, do you obey Me because you feel like it? No, Lord; often times I don't feel like it, but I do it because my Savior asked me to. When I commanded you to love your neighbor, did I ask your opinion as to whether you wanted to or not, whether you felt like it or not? No. Then what makes you think that obeying My command to love yourself has anything to do with what you want and what you feel? Your duty as My servant, as My child, and as My heir, is to obey first and ask questions later. That's pretty harsh Lord. It won't be if you did like I ask you to do! Now do you want to get past these feelings of self doubt and self worthlessness? Yes, Lord. Then will you please just do what I ask you to do? Yes. I want you to be respectful to yourself, to treat yourself respectfully, to talk to yourself respectfully. There is nothing that you can do about what happened in the past; I will deal with that in time. But I have bought you with My own blood, you belong to Me, and I want you - regardless of what anyone else has done - to treat My property with respect. The pagan king of Babylon once stole My treasures from My Temple in Jerusalem and threw a feast for his lords and drank out of My golden cup and used the golden utensiles of the Temple, and threw them on the ground. He treated My property with disrespect. And do you remember what I did to him for it? You destroyed him and his kingdom. That's right. And what do you think I will do to those who harmed you? You are more than the chalice and utensiles of My temple, you ARE My Temple! So never think that you will not have justice. But you must not desecrate My Temple as they have. You're My trusty servant. I rely upon you to be the caretaker of My Temple. So come and talk to Me more often when you are feeling low about yourself and I will comfort you. But remember that just because you feel a certain way does not mean you can circumvent My law. Love your neighbor AS YOURSELF. I showed you how I loved the world. You are part of the world that I loved. Love your neighbor as I have loved you. You cannot say that you have not known love. You know My love. That love was in every drop of blood that I bled for you, in every sting of each whip lashing I took for you, in every thorn that was pushed down into My skull. I did it because I BELIEVE IN YOU. Now respect yourself the same way so that you can respect your neighbor that way, because I have shown great respect for you. Tell yourself what is truth. Do not allow the many good things to be wiped away by the few bad things. In My view, all men are failures, for all have come short of My glory; but if you believe that you are a failure by comparison to others, by what standard are you judging yourself? Those that you highly esteem, in whose comparison you condemn yourself, have also done wickedness before Me. You flatter yourself by disrespecting yourself because you are no better or worse than your neighbor, your mother or father, your pastor, your brother and sister, your boss, your friends, your mate. But what you have is ME. So put a smile on your face and trust Me, and in your trust in Me you show that you love Me; and now I want you to love yourself too. If not for yourself, then for Me. And when you do as I ask, you will change.
And you know what, the very next day I got up for work and looked at myself in the mirror and was tempted to degrade myself. But I stopped and thought, I'm alive, God is with me, and even if I don't feel so great about myself yet, it's going to be a great day today and I look forward to enjoying it no matter what happens. I stopped putting myself down and said kind things to myself. I'm only human. I'm going to mess up from time to time. And when I feel all that rejection from the past, I stop and say, Excuse me, but I don't know you, you are not a part of me; I am dead to the past and am a new born creature in Jesus who strengthens me. And it's gonna be okay!
Rev. Jim
Hi all,
I honestly didn't mean for this to turn into a discussion on psychology and why many people do not love themselves. I was simply referring to the actual statement that the Lord made concerning His requirement that we love Him, others, and ourselves. How do you love the Lord, others and yourself? "If you love Me, keep My commandments." God's Word tells us, through His Law, how we are to treat each other and ourselves. If we look at ourselves with the eyes of Jesus, if we "put on the mind of Christ" and "put on the armor of God" everyday as we were commanded to, loving ourselves and others will come naturally through the Holy Spirit. BELIEVE ME, I understand the perspective that it is difficult to love yourself when you have been degraded, abused, put down and belittled all your life, when you have been deprived of love from the very people that you should have received it from. We as a gay community have suffered this to an extreme extent. I suffered from severe depression for MANY years because of this very thing, and it got to the point that if one more person told me I needed to love myself more, they would need to get a set of dentures!
How?! I would ask. How do I love myself? Obviously if everyone treats me as though I were worthless, there must be some truth to it. And no I don't want to see a shrink! Why do I want some stranger in a hour session to tell me why I feel the way I do when the only way they could know me and how I feel is if they ARE me or if they are a close friend who knows me very well? I'm just a screw up. I mess everything up. Nothing goes right for me. I don't even feel like a person; I feel like an "it". People treat their dog better than they treat me. I'm such a loser. If someone would just give me a chance to show that I'm really a great person, that I'm full of love for people, that I'm honest and sincere, maybe someone will love me, even though I'm just an "it"!
Every day, each time I looked in the mirror, I would just trash myself. Jez, you are so dang ugly! No one wants you. No one loves you. No one cares about you. You're a loser! You mess up at work, you say stupid things, you do stupid things. What an idiot I am. I can't do anything right. Well, God helps those who help themselves! You've got to believe that you aren't all those things! Oh bull! If you're trapped at the bottom of a deep dark well, how the heck are you suppose to pull yourself out!
But the Lord showed me, I CAN'T pull myself out. I'm not the Savior, HE is. God didn't say He helps those who help themselves; He said He helps those who CAN'T help themselves. And He showed me that I HAD to get out of this depression, that this had to stop because it was not right. But how? Here I am trying to be a witness for Christ and love my neighbor, yet I had no love for myself because I hadn't ever been shown love. Everyone that I expected would show me love just crapped on me and wounded me.
So the first thing the Lord showed me was this:
You cannot change the past. You cannot change what was done to you. You have to come to terms with this fact.
Next, I've already told you in my Word that I love you, and that I love you so much that I died for you, and that one day I'm coming back for you. You are special to Me, you are precious to Me. Therefore, if you think that you are worthless, you are believing a falsehood. Don't you think it hurts Me, knowing how badly you were wounded? What they did to you was wrong. And what you say about yourself is wrong.
So what then, Lord; am I suppose to look at myself in the mirror and tell myself how wonderful I am? I don't believe I am of worth, so how am I suppose to make myself believe that I am? Where's it suppose to come from? How do I convince myself of something that I do not believe is true? By telling yourself the truth. Don't tell yourself that you are wonderful, because that will not work. Don't try to think of the good things about yourself, because you already think you are a loser and therefore in your mind it will outweigh anything that is good about you, and it will feel hollow. You must tell yourself the truth. Ok, well, so what is the truth? Is it true that you ALWAYS mess up? Yes. Well, no, not always. Then the next time you are about to tell yourself that you are a loser, that you never do anything right, tell yourself, "Whoops, I made a mistake. I'm human. It will be okay. I'm not dead. It's not the end of the world. I'll learn from this mistake and try to do better next time." And for heaven's sake, you've GOT to stop being so disrespectful to yourself! You are the Temple of the living God, how do you dare to treat My Temple so disrespectfully?
But, how do I treat myself respectfully, Lord? By stop talking to yourself in a way that you would never tolerate from others. Stop calling yourself names. Stop presuming that you're going to have another bad day. Stop planning for defeat. Remind yourself that I, your God, am with you always. I am never far away. I know that how others treat you is important to you. I know that you needed love from your parents, your friends, your spouse, and they didn't show you that love. But it has turned to bitterness in you and it has turned you against yourself. So are you just going to wallow in this for the rest of your life? You just trust Me and let Me handle your wounds. But I need you to work with Me. You can't pull yourself up by yourself, but you CAN take My hand so that I can pull you up. You must be good to yourself. But I don't love myself; how can I? It's not how I feel. Let Me ask you something. Ok Lord. When I said that you are saved by believing in Me, did you do it because it felt good? Well, no; it was because I believed Your Gospel. When I told you to obey my commandments, do you obey Me because you feel like it? No, Lord; often times I don't feel like it, but I do it because my Savior asked me to. When I commanded you to love your neighbor, did I ask your opinion as to whether you wanted to or not, whether you felt like it or not? No. Then what makes you think that obeying My command to love yourself has anything to do with what you want and what you feel? Your duty as My servant, as My child, and as My heir, is to obey first and ask questions later. That's pretty harsh Lord. It won't be if you did like I ask you to do! Now do you want to get past these feelings of self doubt and self worthlessness? Yes, Lord. Then will you please just do what I ask you to do? Yes. I want you to be respectful to yourself, to treat yourself respectfully, to talk to yourself respectfully. There is nothing that you can do about what happened in the past; I will deal with that in time. But I have bought you with My own blood, you belong to Me, and I want you - regardless of what anyone else has done - to treat My property with respect. The pagan king of Babylon once stole My treasures from My Temple in Jerusalem and threw a feast for his lords and drank out of My golden cup and used the golden utensiles of the Temple, and threw them on the ground. He treated My property with disrespect. And do you remember what I did to him for it? You destroyed him and his kingdom. That's right. And what do you think I will do to those who harmed you? You are more than the chalice and utensiles of My temple, you ARE My Temple! So never think that you will not have justice. But you must not desecrate My Temple as they have. You're My trusty servant. I rely upon you to be the caretaker of My Temple. So come and talk to Me more often when you are feeling low about yourself and I will comfort you. But remember that just because you feel a certain way does not mean you can circumvent My law. Love your neighbor AS YOURSELF. I showed you how I loved the world. You are part of the world that I loved. Love your neighbor as I have loved you. You cannot say that you have not known love. You know My love. That love was in every drop of blood that I bled for you, in every sting of each whip lashing I took for you, in every thorn that was pushed down into My skull. I did it because I BELIEVE IN YOU. Now respect yourself the same way so that you can respect your neighbor that way, because I have shown great respect for you. Tell yourself what is truth. Do not allow the many good things to be wiped away by the few bad things. In My view, all men are failures, for all have come short of My glory; but if you believe that you are a failure by comparison to others, by what standard are you judging yourself? Those that you highly esteem, in whose comparison you condemn yourself, have also done wickedness before Me. You flatter yourself by disrespecting yourself because you are no better or worse than your neighbor, your mother or father, your pastor, your brother and sister, your boss, your friends, your mate. But what you have is ME. So put a smile on your face and trust Me, and in your trust in Me you show that you love Me; and now I want you to love yourself too. If not for yourself, then for Me. And when you do as I ask, you will change.
And you know what, the very next day I got up for work and looked at myself in the mirror and was tempted to degrade myself. But I stopped and thought, I'm alive, God is with me, and even if I don't feel so great about myself yet, it's going to be a great day today and I look forward to enjoying it no matter what happens. I stopped putting myself down and said kind things to myself. I'm only human. I'm going to mess up from time to time. And when I feel all that rejection from the past, I stop and say, Excuse me, but I don't know you, you are not a part of me; I am dead to the past and am a new born creature in Jesus who strengthens me. And it's gonna be okay!
Rev. Jim